I wish I was invisible

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Over the last two weeks I have struggled so much.  I feel like I am detached from reality, looking in on life which is continuing and happening around me, a life that I don’t feel part of.

Every day I go through the motions, I get up, get dressed, I go to work, I try to be the best mum/friend/colleague that I can be. I smile through the tears, hoping that my sad eyes don’t give me away.
Inside I am dying, constantly battling with my rollercoaster emotions, the mental and physical exhaustion.  I cannot remember the last time I felt truly happy, all I feel right now is lost, so alone in a pit of endless, gut wrenching despair.

There is so much in my life that I know I should be happy and grateful for but I just find day to day life so difficult. I never sleep, I’m exhausted but I just lay awake night after night. I have two jobs, I go to college and I’m a single mum of twins. I have no family and I’m very aware that if I fall, I no longer have anyone to catch

I miss myself. Because the person I am now, is not me. I am a shadow of my former self, I don’t like who I am.

Last week my friend asked me if I could have one wish, what would it be? My answer….

To be invisible.

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