A Man’s Perspective… continued.

In light of everything my ex husband and I still talk, we have discussed, in detail, the impact of PMDD on relationships and ours in particular.  It did play a big role in our marriage breakdown.

See Sam’s thoughts below.

So I feel like a tit. I am a true believer in the fact that good things happen to good people but whoever originally stated that was clearly dosed up on a combination of tramadol & disco biscuits. I like to think I am a good person but unfortunately for me that statement..it isn’t true. But that’s my fault.

I wrote a blog post a while ago detailing how my wife’s PMDD affected me. It really did affect me and although I still tell anyone that wants to listen that Soph is my wife, the reality is we are quite far apart. I’m a man in denial.

I never left the beautiful person that I was married to. I never ever intentionally walked away, but what I did do was try too hard. That was my biggest mistake… my Trump executive order… (let’s not get into that muppet right now!)I tried to be all things to everyone and in my quest to try and be a superhero, protecting Sophie from some troubles, I found myself in a situation that actually broke us.

In an earlier post of mine you will see how I wrestled with trying to understand everything. How I wanted to be the best thing for her. In reality what happened was that I let Sophie’s disorder swallow me whole. It had a far reaching impact on me than I ever could envisage. I covered things up, because I didn’t want her to experience stress. I tried to absorb every ounce of pressure that we would go through as a couple… but I did that as one person. I didn’t share. Yes, I will stand here in the middle of everyone, in the middle of the internet and say I was not perfect…that I lied to her & that destroys me. Why? Because I looked into her eyes and promised her the world. Bottom line is I let her down… but not maliciously. I let my own sense of pride and my own desire to be a hero cloud me from the right things. All because I let this bloody shit storm of a disease swallow me up.

And yes, it is a fricking disease. No matter what anyone says, there are no experts until you’ve been through it. The thing is, as a Man I haven’t even had the worst of it. I can never “go through it”. But it still doesn’t stop it being a massive shit. It’s an unassuming, prejudicial fucktard that will try to destroy your world.

It’s ok though.. there are “experts”… #bollocks

From the research I have seen, the word “expert” is a futile attempt to placate or pretend. In reality the blooming thing consumes the ones you love and in turn it consumes you.

Now, I don’t know how many husbands read this. I don’t know how many partners will look at this blog and stop and think. But you really should. Amongst all the anguish and the pain that your other half is going through, she needs you. Really needs you. She will never, ever tell you. She is to proud, too embarrassed and so you will have to guess. But if you get it wrong… I.e. She says sod off… you are actually right! But do not be smug about that.

More importantly she doesn’t need you to mask things. She doesn’t need you to lie. However tough it gets, an argument – a row, a disagreement – a misunderstanding- it can have massive implications. Believe me, you do not want to end up regretting trying to be a superhero. Superman once said that there is definitely a “right” and a “wrong” in the universe. The distinction is not hard to make.

It was in my case… but I’ll fight until the end of time to show her I still love her, no matter what. I always will, but I broke the sanctity of marriage and lied to protect the woman I love.

Be the man that I wasn’t.

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