And then there were three….

img_5133Hello you lovely people….

So its been a while since I’ve written on here and for that I’m truly sorry.

My reason? I’ve been such a negative, miserable, inconsolable moose (more so than usual!) that I would’ve felt terribly guilty for inflicting that on you all.

As you know my marriage fell apart. I still cry everyday but I’m coming to terms with it and accept that sh*t happens….
Life has been absolutely bleedin’ manic as I had to move house, change jobs and adjust to being a single mum….the girls and I, the three musketeers,  are doing surprisingly well though.

Amongst all the chaos in my life there is one mahusive (my new word) positive…..my PMDD (or Severe PMS if you prefer) is finally under control!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!! How you ask me………see below!

Decapetyl injections, administered once a month, taken with 2 pumps of Oestrogel have radically reduced my symptoms. I am in my 10th month of treatment and I cannot begin to describe how much my quality of life (excluding the marriage breakdown drama) has improved. No longer do my daughters, friends and colleagues lose me for at least a week a month, now they have me 24/7 (poor buggers!)

The injections have caused night sweats, hot flushes and a change in my hair and skin but the positives far outweigh the negatives. Yes, I still, on occasion spend the day in my owl pyjamas, ramming a box of 20 chicken nuggets in my mouth whilst watching Ex on the Beach….but doesn’t everyone sometimes just have a down day, where they just hide away from the world? I’m only human. The injections make me feel sick for a couple of days afterward and seem to send my heart rate through the roof but I just feel so much more level, no longer do I live in fear of the dark zone days, I actually have my life back.

The treatment path hasn’t been a smooth one, as you know I struggle in the beginning to receive the right kind of help and support. I so hope that you are not experiencing the same problems but sadly it seems to me that PMDD is still not fully understood. I had a consultant appointment where I was seen by a different doctor – whom, after speaking with me for less than two minutes informed me she was taking me off my injections and oestrogel because I was ‘too young’ and that ‘with time I should return back to normal’ I was absolutely flabbergasted… how on earth could this doctor, who clearly hadn’t read my hospital notes make a judgement like that? How can it be that Consultants/Docotrs/Registrars are so inconsistent with their understanding and treatment plans? It is frankly unnerving. The panic I felt when she said she was taking me off the injections, allowing my ovaries to ultimately switch back on was terrifying. I completely broke down and just sobbed inconsolably. Thankfully my usual consultant, who I trust explicitly, came into the consultation room and took over. He quickly retracted her frankly uneducated statement and reassured me that they will not take me off the injections as its unsafe to do so considering the severity of my symptoms . To both he and I it really is a matter of life and death. Instead, he took me through long term treatment options. Due to my struggles with endometriosis and the severity and risks associated with me having a menstrual cycle we have decided that an Abdominal Hysterectomy is the best way forward. I have to finish my course of injections (2 more months) and then on April 7th we will get a date booked in for the surgery.

Words cannot describe how relieved I feel, I know it is a radical way to control my symptoms and I understand the risks associated but now that I’m a single mum, with no one to watch over me if I enter the dark zone I just cannot risk returning back to my dark zone days, it is too dangerous. I love my children, friends and family to the moon and back, to think that my menstrual cycle resulted in me trying to take my own life is just unfathomable and I shall be forever grateful that help arrived just in time.

I’m not sure how many of you read this blog, I love hearing from you and if there is anything you would like me to write about, or if you have any questions then please contact me – I would love to hear from you.

As always,

Sending love & hugs,
Sophie

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